I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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