I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
