Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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