i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
