So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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