Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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