Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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