when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
