why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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