it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
