it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
