I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
