I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
