so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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