break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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