we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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