This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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