ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
