i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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