Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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