So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
