Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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