the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
