ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
