Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
