um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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