yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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