she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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