Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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