Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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