I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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