if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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