My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
