my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
