Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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