Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
