Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize