hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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