You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
