If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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