People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
