FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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