Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
