I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
