so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
