Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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