So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Terrible idea I love it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
