thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
