Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
