The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
