Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
