Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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