hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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