What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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