atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize