Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
