i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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