Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
