I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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