To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I cut my penus on the lid.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who died my cat blue again?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
