If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
