so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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