My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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