Can i not drive my cunt home
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize