using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
