I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
