the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
