I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize