fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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