i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
