So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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