Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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