your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
