Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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