i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
