Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the liver wants what the liver wants
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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