so that wasnt chicken after all
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
