Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
