look no pants
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
