it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
