Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
