My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
