Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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