there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
