My first STD was from a foam party
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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