im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize