M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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