so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
