The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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