I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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