So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
