you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
