Kiss
Puke
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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