Your favorite bartender is back from prision
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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