I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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