Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
