I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
