Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize