i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
