I just pynch a tree in the face
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
