Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
