I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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