He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
